What Should I Say While EFT Tapping?

By Caroline Davis, Inner Freedom EFT

If you’ve ever followed an EFT tapping video, you may have wondered whether you’re supposed to repeat exactly what the person is saying.

What if their words don’t quite fit what you’re feeling? What if you can’t think of anything to say? And does it matter which words you use?

These are common questions when you’re learning EFT.

The good news is that you don’t need to memorize a script or come up with something especially clever.

But the words you choose do matter.

In EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques), we use language to help us stay connected to the specific thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations we’re working with.

And the most useful words are simply the ones that feel most true to you.

If you’re completely new to EFT, you might want to begin with last week’s article, What Is EFT Tapping? How It Works and What to Expect, which introduces the tapping points and guides you through the process.

Here, we’ll take a closer look at something many beginners wonder about: what to actually say while you’re tapping.

What Is an EFT Setup Statement?

A setup statement is a phrase we use at the beginning of a tapping round.

In traditional EFT, we repeat the setup statement three times while tapping on the side of the hand, sometimes called the karate chop point.

The traditional structure is:

Even though I have [this issue], I deeply and completely accept myself.

For example:

Even though I’m frustrated about what happened today, I deeply and completely accept myself.

The setup statement has two parts.

First, we acknowledge the issue we’re experiencing.

Second, we introduce an attitude of self-acceptance, even while that issue is present.

This isn’t about approving of what happened or pretending we’re comfortable with how we feel. It’s about acknowledging that we can experience difficult emotions without rejecting ourselves for having them.

What If “I Deeply and Completely Accept Myself” Doesn’t Feel True?

For some people, the traditional wording feels natural. For others, it doesn’t.

If saying “I deeply and completely accept myself” feels uncomfortable or untrue, you don’t have to force yourself to say it.

You might try:

Even though I’m frustrated about what happened, it’s okay to feel this way.

Or:

Even though this is bothering me, I have compassion for myself and how I feel.

The intention is to acknowledge what’s happening while introducing some degree of acceptance and self-compassion.

Use language that feels genuine rather than trying to convince yourself of something you don’t believe.

What Are Reminder Phrases in EFT?

After the setup statement, we tap through a sequence of points on the face and upper body while using short phrases called reminder phrases.

These help us maintain our attention on the specific experience we’re working with.

For example:

• This frustration.
• What happened today.
• I’m still upset about it.
• This tightness in my chest.

You don’t need a different phrase for every tapping point.

Repeating the same phrase can actually be helpful because it keeps your attention on one particular aspect of the experience.

And as you tap, you may notice that your experience naturally changes. That’s okay, too.

For example, you might start out feeling a knot in your stomach, but by the time you get to the under-eye point, it has shifted into a burning sensation in your shoulder. If you kept tapping on the knot in your stomach, it would no longer reflect your actual experience, so it makes sense to shift your reminder phrase as well.

It’s typically helpful to repeat the words out loud because it can help you stay engaged with what you’re working on, but you can also repeat the words silently.

You can even simply tune into a particular detail you’re working with, such as the look on someone’s face, or a sensation in your body, such as tightness in your throat.

The goal of reminder phrases isn’t to say the perfect words. It’s simply to stay connected to what you’re experiencing and notice what you’re feeling in your body.

Why Your Own Words Matter

One of the most useful things you can do when practicing EFT is to describe your experience in your own words.

Let’s imagine something mildly upsetting happened.

You sent someone a message asking an important question. When they responded, they addressed everything else you’d written but completely ignored that question.

You might initially describe your reaction as:

That was annoying.

But when you pause and remember the moment you read their response, you realize there’s more to it.

Maybe your actual reaction was:

Seriously? You couldn’t even acknowledge my question?

Or perhaps:

I felt completely dismissed.

You might also notice a tight feeling in your chest when you remember the exchange.

These details give you something more specific to work with.

Rather than tapping on a broad statement like “I’m annoyed,” you could focus on:

They completely ignored my question.

Or:

I felt so dismissed when I read that message.

The difference matters because particular words and details may connect us more directly with the emotional experience.

If you feel absolutely livid, saying “I’m a little annoyed” doesn’t accurately reflect what’s happening inside you.

But we don’t want to exaggerate our feelings, either. Although exaggeration can sometimes be used intentionally in EFT, that’s a topic for another conversation.

The goal is to find words that describe what you’re actually experiencing, as honestly and specifically as possible.

When I work with clients, I pay close attention to the language they use and do my very best to reflect their own words back to them.

The way someone describes an experience can reveal important details about what feels emotionally significant to them, and may ultimately help us uncover what’s at the root of their distress.

How to Find the Words for Your Own Tapping Practice

You can begin with something relatively small, such as a recent frustrating interaction or an experience that left you feeling a little unsettled.

Here’s one way to approach it.

1. Choose One Specific Experience

Rather than starting with something broad like “I’m always stressed,” think of a particular moment.

Maybe it was something someone said, an email you received, or a situation that didn’t go as expected.

Ask yourself:

What happened?

2. Notice What You Feel About It

When you bring that moment to mind, what emotion comes up?

Frustration? Embarrassment? Disappointment? Worry?

You don’t have to choose the perfect emotional label.

You might simply notice:

I really didn’t like that.

Or:

That made me feel small.

Start with whatever feels most accurate.

3. Pay Attention to Your Body

Sometimes we notice physical sensations before we can identify an emotion.

You might feel tension in your shoulders, a knot in your stomach, or pressure in your chest.

Those sensations can also become part of your tapping phrases.

For example:

This knot in my stomach.

This tension in my shoulders when I think about it.

4. Put It Into a Setup Statement

Using the message example, you might say:

Even though I felt dismissed when they ignored my question, I accept that this is how I’m feeling right now.

Or, if the traditional wording resonates:

Even though I’m still upset that they ignored my question, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Repeat your setup statement three times while tapping on the side of your hand.

5. Use Short Reminder Phrases as You Tap

Then tap through the points using phrases such as:

• They ignored my question.
• I felt completely dismissed.
• That really bothered me.
• This tightness in my chest.

Notice how each phrase connects to the same specific experience.

You aren’t trying to address every frustration in your life at once. You’re giving your attention to one particular situation and the feelings associated with it.

After a round, pause and notice how you feel. Has anything changed? Does the original phrase still fit, or is something else coming up?

Let what you notice guide your next round.

6. Use Subjective Units of Distress (SUD) to Track Your Progress

In EFT, we use a scale called Subjective Units of Distress (SUD) to help us gauge the intensity of what we’re experiencing and notice how it changes as we tap.

Before you begin, bring the specific issue to mind and rate its intensity from 0 to 10, where 0 means no distress and 10 means the highest intensity you can imagine.

For example, you might notice that feeling dismissed when someone ignored your question is a 6 out of 10.

You can even incorporate that number into your reminder phrases:

• I feel completely dismissed. It’s a 6 out of 10.
• This 5 out of 10 tightness in my chest.
• This 4 out of 10 frustration.

After a round of tapping, pause and check in again. Has the number changed? Has the feeling shifted? Is something different coming up?

The number doesn’t always decrease in a straight line, and that’s okay. Sometimes the intensity stays the same or even increases as we become more aware of what we’re experiencing.

The SUD scale isn’t a test or a measure of how well you’re tapping. It’s simply a tool to help you notice changes and decide what to focus on next.

Try It Yourself: A Guided EFT Tapping Practice

Ready to give it a try?

I’ve created a guided EFT tapping practice to help you explore a specific experience, find the words that feel most true to you, and begin tapping with those words.

Rather than asking you to repeat a predetermined script, I’ll guide you through the process while giving you space to use your own language.

Choose something relatively mild to work with, and remember that you can pause the practice whenever you need more time.

What If I Don’t Know What to Say?

Sometimes we know something is bothering us, but we can’t quite put it into words.

You can begin with what you do know.

For example:

Even though something about that conversation is bothering me, I accept how I feel right now.

Your reminder phrases might be:

• Something about that conversation.
• I don’t know exactly what I’m feeling.
• This uncomfortable feeling.

You can also begin with a physical sensation if that’s easier to identify.

As you tap, pay attention to whether a particular thought, emotion, or memory becomes clearer.

If it does, you can adjust your phrases to reflect what you’re noticing.

You don’t have to figure everything out before you begin.

What About Guided EFT Tapping Videos and Apps?

Guided tapping videos and apps can be wonderful ways to learn EFT, develop a regular practice, and find support when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

But there’s one important thing to remember: the person guiding the tapping doesn’t know exactly what you’re experiencing.

They may offer phrases such as:

I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything I need to do.

Or:

I’m worried I won’t be able to handle it.

If those words resonate with you, great! Use them.

But if your actual thought is “I’m so tired of everyone needing something from me,” that will be a far more useful phrase for your tapping.

You don’t have to repeat the guide’s words simply because they’re the ones being offered. You can substitute language that more accurately reflects your own experience.

This is also one of the benefits of working individually with an EFT practitioner.

Rather than following a predetermined script, we can work with your exact words and explore whatever comes up in real time. As your experience changes, we adjust our approach together, allowing us to work more specifically and explore what may be underneath the surface.

That doesn’t mean guided tapping isn’t valuable. I use guided tapping myself as part of my evening routine, and it can be a lovely way to settle down before bed.

I’m also committed to providing Inner Freedom Guided Practices on my blog and YouTube channel, because if guided practices didn’t exist, I might never have found EFT!

I think of guided tapping and one-on-one EFT as serving somewhat different purposes. Guided practices can be great for learning EFT, as well as a helpful part of everyday emotional wellbeing. One-on-one sessions allow us to explore more complex or deeply rooted experiences with personalized support.

Do I Need to Say Something Positive While Tapping?

Some tapping scripts include phrases such as:

I’m ready to let this go.

I choose to feel peaceful.

Everything is going to be okay.

There’s a place for positive or possibility-oriented language in EFT, particularly when it feels authentic.

But you don’t need to force yourself to say something positive while you’re still feeling upset.

If you’re worried about an upcoming situation, telling yourself “Everything is going to be fine” may not feel believable.

Instead, you might begin with:

• I’m worried about what could happen.
• I don’t know how this will turn out.
• This uncertainty in my stomach.

As the emotional intensity changes, you may find that other possibilities begin to feel more accessible.

The important thing is to work with what’s actually present rather than trying to talk yourself out of your feelings.

The same principle applies to tapping with affirmations, which you may have seen in guided tapping videos or other practices.

Affirmations can have their place, but imagine saying something like:

I have all the time in the world.

When what you really believe is:

There’s just not enough time in the day!

You could spend a long time tapping on the affirmation without addressing the belief that’s getting in the way.

In EFT, we sometimes call these objections tailenders. They’re the little “Yes, but…” responses that come up when we say something positive that doesn’t quite feel true.

In this example, the tailender is:

There’s just not enough time in the day!

Rather than trying to override that thought with a positive affirmation, you could begin by tapping on the tailender itself.

Then see how you feel about the original affirmation.

One way to track this is with a Validity of Cognition (VOC) rating, which measures how true a statement feels to you.

You might use a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 means not at all true and 10 means completely true. You can also use a percentage scale from 0 to 100%, which often feels more natural when working with beliefs and affirmations.

For example, you might initially rate the statement “I have all the time in the world” as a 3 out of 10.

After tapping on the belief that there’s never enough time, and on a specific experience that reinforced that belief, you might find that the original statement now feels like a 5 out of 10.

That shift can help you recognize that something has changed in how you’re relating to the belief.

Whether you’re working with an uncomfortable emotion, a physical sensation, or a belief that doesn’t feel true, the principle is the same: pay attention to what’s actually happening inside you. And be open to the possibility that what you’re working with may change as you tap.

The Words Can Change as You Tap

As we’ve explored, EFT isn’t necessarily a linear process.

You might begin tapping on frustration about someone ignoring your question, only to realize that underneath the frustration, you’re feeling hurt.

Perhaps a different thought comes into awareness:

I don’t feel like what I say matters.

Sometimes a present-day experience can even bring up a memory of something that happened years ago. You may begin to recognize that your reaction isn’t only about what’s happening today, but also about an earlier experience that carried a similar feeling.

These connections can be valuable because they may help us understand what’s contributing to the intensity of our present-day reactions.

When something new comes up, pause and notice it. You can decide whether to continue tapping on that aspect or return to it another time.

And if an earlier memory feels particularly painful or overwhelming, it’s best to explore it with the support of a qualified practitioner rather than trying to push through it alone.

You Don’t Have to Find the Perfect Words

When you’re learning EFT, it’s natural to wonder whether you’re doing it correctly.

But finding useful tapping phrases isn’t about memorizing the perfect script.

It’s about paying attention.

What happened? What did you think or feel in that moment? What words would you naturally use to describe it? What do you notice in your body?

Those observations can guide your tapping practice.

And the more familiar you become with the process, the easier it may become to recognize the words and details that feel meaningful to you.

If you’d like to learn more about the tapping points and how EFT works, you can also explore my beginner’s guide to EFT tapping.

Explore EFT With Individualized Support

Sometimes identifying the words and experiences that matter most is easier with someone guiding the process.

In private EFT sessions, we work together to explore what’s coming up for you, using your own language and moving at a pace that feels appropriate.

Contact me to learn more about working together.

With care,

Caroline

Inner Freedom EFT

Inner Freedom. Healing Beyond.