By Caroline Davis, Inner Freedom EFT

Do You Ever Wonder If You’re Overreacting?

Recently, I’ve been sleeping with an extra blanket on my side of the bed.

In the morning, my husband started taking the blanket off while I was still in bed and folding it up.

And it really annoyed me.

Almost immediately, though, another conversation started in my head.

Why is this bothering me so much?

It’s just a blanket.

Maybe I’m overreacting.

Maybe I should just get over it.

I could also understand why he might be doing it. He was probably just trying to be helpful and efficient as he straightened up the room.

But knowing that didn’t change the fact that I didn’t like it.

When he took the blanket off, I would start getting cold. And it wasn’t a particularly pleasant way to wake up.

Still, I had a surprisingly hard time saying anything.

Part of me worried that if I brought up something so small, I would sound like I was nagging.

And as the mornings went by, I noticed something else happening.

My mind started coming up with explanations for why he was doing it.

Maybe he’s trying to make me wake up.

Maybe he’s trying to send me some kind of message.

At my most annoyed, some part of me even started feeling as though he was somehow “out to get me.”

Intellectually, I knew that probably wasn’t what was happening.

But after reflecting on the experience, it makes me wonder:

When we don’t quite trust that our feelings are enough to deserve our attention, do we sometimes start looking for a stronger case for why we’re justified in having them?

When “This Bothers Me” Doesn’t Feel Like Enough

I think many of us have had some version of this experience.

Something happens.

We have a reaction.

And almost immediately, we begin evaluating the reaction itself.

Should this bother me?

Am I being too sensitive?

Why am I making such a big deal out of this?

Would anyone else even care?

Sometimes those questions can be useful.

Our reactions don’t always tell us everything about what’s happening.

A relatively small present-day experience might touch something much older.

We might misunderstand another person’s intentions.

Stress or exhaustion might influence how strongly we respond.

There are all kinds of reasons our emotional reaction might be more complicated than the situation immediately in front of us.

But there’s a difference between becoming curious about our reaction…

and putting it on trial.

One says:

I wonder why this is affecting me this way?

The other says:

I shouldn’t be affected this way.

And I’ve been thinking about how different those two conversations feel.

Our Feelings and Our Interpretations Aren’t the Same Thing

With the blanket, there were certain things I actually knew.

I knew I was annoyed.

I knew I got cold when the blanket was removed.

I knew I didn’t like waking up that way.

Those were parts of my experience.

But then there were the things I was imagining:

Maybe he’s trying to wake me up.

Maybe he’s sending me a message.

Maybe he’s doing this deliberately.

Those were interpretations.

And there’s an important difference.

Honoring what we’re feeling doesn’t necessarily require us to believe every explanation our mind offers for why we’re feeling it.

I could acknowledge:

I’m really annoyed by this.

without concluding:

He’s doing something wrong intentionally.

I could recognize:

I don’t like this.

without creating a story about why he was doing it.

Maybe our reactions don’t always give us an objective description of what’s happening.

But that doesn’t mean we need to dismiss them.

Perhaps they can simply become information worth listening to.

What Happens When We Keep Talking Ourselves Out of It?

For several weeks, I didn’t say anything.

Partly because the whole thing seemed so small.

Partly because I didn’t want to nag.

And partly because I kept thinking I should just be able to let it go.

Except…

I wasn’t letting it go.

I was getting more annoyed.

And eventually I realized something very practical:

If I didn’t say anything, my husband had no reason to know that I wanted him to do something differently.

He would probably keep taking the blanket off.

I would probably keep getting annoyed.

And this tiny issue could slowly become much bigger inside me than it ever needed to be.

At some point, honoring my reaction meant acknowledging that I wanted to say something.

Not because I had proven that my reaction was reasonable enough.

Not because I had established that he was doing anything wrong.

Simply because this was affecting me, and I wanted to communicate that.

Honoring a Feeling Doesn’t Mean Acting From It

This is another distinction I think matters.

Sometimes the idea of honoring our feelings can sound as though we’re supposed to express everything we’re experiencing exactly as we’re experiencing it.

I’m angry, so I need to tell you how angry I am.

I’m hurt, so you need to know that you hurt me.

But acknowledging a feeling internally and deciding how we want to communicate are two different things.

By the time I talked with my husband, I didn’t need to tell him all the stories I’d been telling myself about why he might be taking the blanket away.

I didn’t say:

Why do you keep doing this?

Or:

Are you trying to wake me up?

I said:

“Can I ask you a favor? Can you please leave the blanket on the bed while I’m still in bed? Because I start getting cold right when you take it off, and it’s not a pleasant way to wake up.”

He apologized sincerely.

He said he wouldn’t do it anymore.

And that was pretty much the whole conversation.

All of that internal debate about whether I was overreacting, whether I should just get over it, whether I was going to sound like I was nagging, what his motives might be…

and the actual conversation was remarkably simple.

I could honor what I was feeling and choose to communicate it compassionately.

Those things weren’t in conflict.

Maybe We Don’t Have to Make Anyone Wrong

I think this is where the experience became especially interesting to me.

When we don’t feel entitled to our own experience, it can sometimes seem as though we need to establish that somebody else has done something wrong before we’re allowed to respond.

If I can prove that you were inconsiderate…

If I can prove that you meant something by it…

If I can prove that most people would be bothered by this…

then maybe I’m justified in feeling the way I do.

But what if we don’t always need that proof?

Maybe sometimes we can simply notice:

Something about this isn’t sitting well with me.

And then become curious.

What am I feeling?

What am I telling myself about what happened?

Do I know that interpretation is true?

Is there something I need?

Is there something I want to communicate?

And if there is, how would I like to communicate it?

That creates more room for both people.

I don’t have to disappear from the equation in order to be compassionate toward you.

As I explored in an earlier reflection on holding back what we really want to say, making room for ourselves doesn’t have to mean we stop considering the other person.

And I don’t have to make you wrong in order to make room for me.

Self-Trust Doesn’t Mean Believing Every Thought

Last week, I wrote about what happens when difficult feelings after a decision make us wonder whether we made the wrong choice.

I’ve been realizing that there’s a similar question underneath this experience.

What does it mean to trust our own experience?

I don’t think it means assuming that every thought we have is true.

It doesn’t mean that every emotional reaction gives us an accurate interpretation of another person’s motives.

And it doesn’t mean that because something bothers us, somebody else must be wrong.

Maybe self-trust is quieter than that.

Perhaps it’s being willing to say:

Something is happening inside me, and it’s worth listening to.

Then we can become curious about it.

We can separate what we know from what we’re assuming.

We can decide whether there’s something we want or need.

And we can choose what, if anything, we want to do next.

Our feelings can have a place in the conversation without necessarily having the final word.

An Inner Freedom Practice

This week’s Inner Freedom Practice is an opportunity to explore a relatively mild situation where you’ve found yourself wondering whether you’re overreacting.

Perhaps someone said something that bothered you.

Maybe you felt unexpectedly irritated by something small.

Or perhaps you noticed yourself thinking:

Why am I so bothered by this?

I shouldn’t feel this way.

I’m probably just being too sensitive.

Using EFT tapping, we’ll begin with the reaction itself—not to decide whether it’s right or wrong, but simply to acknowledge what’s there.

Then we’ll gently become curious about what may be underneath it.

Is there an emotion?

A body sensation?

A thought about what the other person’s behavior means?

Something you’re afraid might happen if you honor how you feel?

We’re not trying to prove that our reaction is justified.

And we’re not trying to talk ourselves out of it.

We’re simply creating a little more room to listen.

Join me here:

What If Your Reaction Is Worth Listening To?

Looking back, I don’t think the lesson of the blanket is that I was “right” to be annoyed.

I’m not sure that’s even a particularly useful question.

What matters more to me is that I was annoyed.

That was where I was.

And continually telling myself that I shouldn’t feel that way wasn’t making me less annoyed.

If anything, it was making the whole situation more complicated.

Once I acknowledged my own experience, I had choices.

I could become curious about the stories I was attaching to it.

I could recognize what I actually wanted.

And I could communicate that without accusing my husband of anything or asking him to defend his intentions.

Maybe that’s one way we begin building greater trust in ourselves.

Not by assuming every feeling is telling us exactly what happened.

Not by believing every story our minds create.

And not by acting on every emotion.

But by becoming willing to listen when something inside us says:

This matters to me.

We can listen.

We can become curious.

And then we can decide how we want to respond.

If You’d Like Some Additional Support

Sometimes it’s relatively easy to recognize that we’re questioning or invalidating our own reactions.

Understanding why we do it can be harder.

We may notice that certain situations bring up much stronger reactions than others. Or that we repeatedly talk ourselves out of what we’re feeling, worry about being “too much,” or become caught between honoring ourselves and worrying about how someone else might respond.

EFT tapping offers a gentle way to slow that process down and become curious about the thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and earlier experiences that may be connected to what we’re experiencing now.

When we work together, we don’t have to decide that your reaction is right or wrong.

Instead, we can explore what’s underneath it—while making room for your experience without requiring you to judge yourself or someone else in the process.

If you’d like to explore what working together might look like, I invite you to reach out through my contact form to share the type of support you’re looking for and learn about scheduling a complimentary Discovery Call.

With compassion,

Caroline
Inner Freedom EFT
Inner Freedom. Healing Beyond.